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Emergency Numbers: 999 (Dial 55 while on the line if you cannot speak), ESDAS: 01737 771 350
It can be hard to know how to support a friend or loved one who is experiencing domestic abuse. Intervening directly can be dangerous for you and them. There are ways you can help, though.
Make sure you speak in private, say that you are worried and ask if everything is ok at home, let them know that you won’t judge but that you are concerned. Be patient: they may not talk to you the first time, but knowing you are there and supportive will have given them the opportunity to break the silence around their situation.
If they disclose domestic abuse, listen and believe them, they may be scared they won’t be believed – often having made comments before but received responses such as “really? But they seem so nice” or “they are great with the children”.
Let leaving be their choice, don’t tell them to leave because if they decide not to, they may feel shame or conflict and back away from you.
They may minimise what is happening and blame themselves. Tell them they are not to blame – the person causing the harm is the only person responsible for this behaviour.
If they are hurt, help them get to the GP/Hospital and the police, if they decide to make a report.
Encourage them to contact us and explain our confidentiality and the help available.
Ensure you are looking after yourself too and not putting yourself in a dangerous situation.
If you would like to speak to a member of team in confidence, contact us.
Find out more about how our team can support you:
ESDAS provides confidential emotional and practical support, helping you rebuild strength, regain control, and plan for a safer future.
We support anyone affected by domestic abuse, offering understanding, guidance, and advocacy to help you move forward safely and confidently.
When you reach out, our team listens without judgment, explains your options clearly, and connects you with the right services for your needs.
ESDAS offers a monthly online support group – “Connection” for further information email: connection@esdas.org.uk
Other information that is useful can be found here.
The Surrey Steps to Change Hub is a safe space where individuals can benefit from localised, specialist support to increase survivor safety and reduce harm from perpetrators of domestic abuse and stalking.
For advice and support, contact Enquiries@surreystepstochange.co.uk or telephone: 01483 900 905
