Help for anyone concerned about using abusive behaviour in their relationships


Victims of domestic abuse are not the only ones who need help, however it takes strength to admit that you are abusing your partner and courage to change.



Step 1 - Recognise that you are abusive in your relationship


  • Is your partner frightened of you?


  • Is your relationship suffering because of your behaviour?


  • Domestic violence can be physical violence, calling your partner names, intimidating, controlling or bullying them, threatening them or being sexually or financially abusive of them – forcing them to do what you want, when you want.



Step 2 - Recognise that your abusive behaviour affects your whole family


  • Violence and abuse has a devastating effect on children. You may think that your children do not know what is going on because you are not abusive in front of them, but they will hear the abuse and will sense the tension in the family. There is much evidence to show that children are harmed by abuse, even if they do not witness it. Alternatively, your children may be caught in the cross fire or may intervene to protect your partner.



Step 3 - Choose to stop


  • Decide with yourself that you no longer wish to control and abuse. Only you can take control over your own behaviour and learn not to be violent and abusive whatever the situation. You can choose to change. Do you want to?



Step 4 - Take responsibility for your behaviour and for the abuse


  • Stop blaming your actions on your partner or anything else – drink, drugs, stress, unemployment etc.


  • Do not minimise your behaviour by thinking that it is not too bad. How bad does it need to get before you do something?



Step 5 - Seek help


  • You can promise yourself over and over again that it won’t happen again, but it probably will if you do nothing more. Do something before the next time.

WARNING: the content may contain material that could be upsetting for the viewer

"It Ends Where it Begins - Anti-Domestic Violence PSA"

Anti-Domestic Violence PSA paid for by White Buffalo Calf Women's Society.
Written and Produced by Buffalo Nickel Creative; Ryan Red Corn, Bobby Wilson, Dallas Goldtooth

Agencies providing support and help for perpetrators of domestic abuse:


Stepping up Surrey DA Perpetrator Programme



Advice and information for anyone who is using abuse and violence in their relationships.  They can also give you information about projects where you can go to get help to stop these behaviours such as details of support services and programmes for perpetrators.


Telephone 0845 1228609






Everyman Project

National helpline for everyone concerned about violence. Counselling service for violent men wanting to change.

020 7263 8884 (London based)






The Violence Initiative


Offering all who are violent a chance to change. Drop in, one to one sessions and courses. Free services to perpetrators of violence. Available to anyone who can get to their base in North London.


Telephone 020 8365 8220





Domestic Violence Intervention Project


Run services for men who have been violent to their partner, and for women who have suffered domestic violence.  They support parents and children affected by domestic violence.

They work with people across London, from all walks of life. With nearly 20 years of experience, they aim to help people end the cycle of domestic abuse, for good.




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Call us in confidence on

01737 771350



Text 07860 039720


To make a referral to ESDAS’ Services use our secure email address:


For general enquiries email:

Useful Numbers:


Surrey Domestic Abuse 9am - 9pm Helpline 01483 776822


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999 (emergency) 
101 (non-emergency)

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