Help for Anyone Concerned about using abusive behaviour in their relationships
Victims of domestic abuse are not the only ones who need help, however it takes strength to admit that you are abusing your partner and courage to change.
Step 1
Recognise that you are abusive in your relationship
- Is your partner frightened of you?
- Is your relationship suffering because of your behaviour?
- Domestic violence can be physical violence, calling your partner names, intimidating, controlling or bullying them, threatening them or being sexually or financially abusive of them – forcing them to do what you want, when you want.
Step 2
Recognise that your abusive behaviour affects your whole family
- Violence and abuse has a devastating effect on children. You may think that your children do not know what is going on because you are not abusive in front of them, but they will hear the abuse and will sense the tension in the family. There is much evidence to show that children are harmed by abuse, even if they do not witness it. Alternatively, your children may be caught in the cross fire or may intervene to protect your partner.
Step 3
Choose to stop
- Decide with yourself that you no longer wish to control and abuse. Only you can take control over your own behaviour and learn not to be violent and abusive whatever the situation. You can choose to change. Do you want to?
Step 4
Take responsibility for your behaviour and for the abuse
- Stop blaming your actions on your partner or anything else – drink, drugs, stress, unemployment etc.
- Do not minimise your behaviour by thinking that it is not too bad. How bad does it need to get before you do something?
Step 5
Seek help
- You can promise yourself over and over again that it won’t happen again, but it probably will if you do nothing more. Do something before the next time.
Agencies providing support and help for perpetrators of domestic abuse.
Respect
Advice and information for anyone who is using abuse and violence in their relationships. They can also give you information about projects where you can go to get help to stop these behaviours such as details of support services and programmes for perpetrators.
0845 1228609
Email: info@respect.uk.net
The TRYangle project
A domestic violence intervention project based in South East London for men who want to end violent and abusive behaviours towards a partner.
020 8855 7564
Email: mvip@tryangle.org.uk
Everyman Project
National helpline for everyone concerned about violence. Counselling service for violent men wanting to change.
020 7263 8884 (London based)
Email: everymanproject@btopenworld.com
The Violence Initiative
Offering all who are violent a chance to change. Drop in, one to one sessions and courses. Free services to perpetrators of violence. Available to anyone who can get to their base in North London.
020 8365 8220
Email: admin@tviccv.org.uk
